**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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