I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
