YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize