dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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