You just made me feel so damn special
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
