I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
