I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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