making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
