i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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