Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
