we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
