nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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