had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
he thought i was a dude.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
