he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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