i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Randomize