just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I am never drinking with the goths again.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize