Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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