It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
