Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
That's how pantless uber rides happen
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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