By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Randomize
