I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Randomize