i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Randomize
