guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
