It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Randomize
