i jhust puked up my retainher.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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