look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
