I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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