All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Randomize
