Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
