my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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