just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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