we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
