nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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