1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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