the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
my being single is dangerous.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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