mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
