your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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