Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
