he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
