oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
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