Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
