You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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