Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
