that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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