It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
