Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
