hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
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