i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize