When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
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