Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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