Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
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