exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
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