you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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