I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
