my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
she peed on how many people?
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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