I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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