My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Randomize
