The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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