I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
