Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
She made me pour olive oil on her.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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