my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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