I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
it hurts more in the daytime
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
