Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize