those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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